The Best Fruitcake Ever

1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
4 lg. eggs
1 cup dried fruit
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
lemon juice
1 cup brown sugar
1 or 2 quarts whisky

Before you start, sample the whiskey to check for quality. Good, isn't it? Now go ahead. Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the whiskey again as it must be just right. To be sure the whiskey is of the highest quality, pour one level cup into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat. With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 tsp. of thugar and beat again. Meanwhile, make sure that the whiskey is of the finest quality. Cry another tup. Open second quart if necessary. Add 2 arge leggs 2 cups fried druit and beat till high. If druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry it loose with a drewscriber. Sample the whiskey again, checking for tonscisticity. Then sift 3 cups of salt or anything, it really doesn't matter. Sample the whiskey. Sift 1/2 pint lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar, or whatever color you find, and wix mell. Grease the oven and turn cake pan to 350 degrees. Now pour the whole mess into the boven and ake. Check the whiskey again, and bo to ged.

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