The difference between economic theories
A farmer has two cows.
Socialism
the government takes the cows and gives the milk to the farmer.
Communism
the government lets the farmer keep the cows, but it takes the milk.
Fascism
the government shoots the farmer and takes the cows.
Bueaucratism
the government takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
Traditional capitalism
the farmer sells one and buys a bull. The herd multiplies, and the economy grows. The farmer sells them and retires on the income.
An American Corporation
The farmer sells one and forces the other to produce the milk of four cows. later, he hires a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.
Enron Venture Capitalism
A French Corporation
The farmer sells three cows to his publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by his brother-in-law at the bank, then executes a debt/equity swap with an assoicated general offer so that he gets all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to his listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. He sells one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving him with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys his bull.
The farmer goes on strike, organizes a riot, and blocks the roads because he wants three cows.
A Japanese Corporation
A German Corporation
An Italian Corporation
The farmer redesigns the cows so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. Then he creates a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and markets it worldwide.
The farmer re-engineers the cows so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
The farmer isn't sure where the cows are, so he decides to have lunch.
A Russian Corporation
The farmer counts the cows and learns he has five cows. He counts them again and learns he has 42 cows. He counts them again and learns he has two cows. He stops counting and opens another bottle of vodka.
A Swiss Corporation
The farmer 5000 cows; none of them belong to him, and he charges the owners for storing them.
A Chinese Corporation
The farmer has 300 people milking his two cows. He claims that he has full employment and high bovine productivity. He arrests the newsman who reports the real situation.
An Indian Corporation
The farmer worships the cows.
A British Corporation
Both of the cows are mad.
An Iraqi Corporation
Everyone thinks the farmer has lots of cows. He tells them that he doesn't have any cows. No one believes him, and they bomb the heck out of him and invade his farm. He still has no cows, but at least now he's a Democracy.
