C |
You shoot yourself in the foot. |
Assembly |
You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system administrator arrives and shoots youin the foot. After a moment of contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops around the room, wildly shooting at everyone in sight. |
C++ |
You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical care is impossible, because you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there." |
Ada |
If you are dumb enough to actually use this language, the U.S. Department of Defense will kidnap you, stand you up in front of a firing squad, an tell the soldiers to shoot at your feet. |
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(alternate description) After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover that your foot is of the wrong type. |
Access |
You've been shot in the foot, but you can't find the bullet, the gun, or the person who pulled the trigger. |
Modula/2 |
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. |
sh, csh, etc. |
You can't remember the syntax for anything, so you spend five hours reading the manual before giving up. You then shoot the computer and switch to C. |
Smalltalk |
You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your workstation, and makes you develop in COBOL on a 3270 terminal. |
APL |
You hear a gunshot, and there's a hole in your foot, but you don't remember enough linear algebra to understand what happened. Then you spend all day trying to figure out how to do it in fewer characters. |
FORTRAN |
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes. Then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway, because you have no exception-handling ability. |
COBOL |
Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER. on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. |
Visual Basic |
You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. |
LISP |
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself ... |
BASIC |
Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire body is waterlogged. |
FORTH |
Foot in yourself shoot. |
Pascal |
The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. |
SNOBOL |
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. |
Concurrent Euclid |
You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot. |
Hypertalk |
Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. |
Motif |
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams. |
Unix |
% ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o % rm *.o rm:.o: No such file or directory % ls % |
Paradox |
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too. |
Revelation |
You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as you can figure out what all these bullets are for. |
Prolog |
You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain. |
370 JCL |
You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. |
