DOS Airlines

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again, then push again, jump on again, and so on.

Mac Airways

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look the same, act the same, and talk the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are told you don't need to know, and everything will be done for you without you having to know, so just shut up

Air OS/2

To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped ten different times by standing in ten different lines. Then you fill out a form showing where you want to sit and whether the plane should look and feel like an ocean liner, a passenger train, or a bus. If you succeed in getting on board the plane and the plane succeeds in getting off the ground, you have a wonderful trip ... except for the times when the rudder and flaps get frozen in position, in which case you have time to say your prayers and get in crash position.

Windows Airline

The airport terminal is nice and brashly colorful with friendly stewards, easy access to the plane, an uneventful takeoff ... then the plan blows up without any warning whatsoever.

Fly NT

Everyone marches out onto the runway, says the password in unison, and forms the outline of an airplane. Then they all sit down and make a whooshing sound like they're flying.

Windows Airline 95

Windows Airline customers are bused to a new terminal at the far end of the airport. The plane shows up late, but everyone can watch a commercial while they wait where a sales man tells them that Windows Airline 95 is "just as good as a Mac Airways." When it arrives, most of the luggage has to be left behind, because it doesn't fit in the cargo bays. The pilot walks down the aisle, collecting an additional fee to buy fuel for the jet. Many of the passengers give up and walk back to the Windows Airline window.

Unix Airline

Everyone brings one piece of the plane with them when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they're building.

Mach Express

There is no airplane. The passengers gather and shout for an airplane, then wait and wait and wait and wait. A bunch of people come, each carrying one piece of the plane with them. These people all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing about which pieces really belong together. The plane finally takes off, leaving the passengers on the ground waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. After the plane lands, the pilot telephones the passengers at the departing airport to inform that they have arrived.

Amiga Air

A small private airline with lots of in-flight movies, snacks, and other luxuries to keep the passengers happy. Unfortunately, after takeoff, the plane has nowhere to go and keeps flying in circles until it runs out of fuel and crashes. The few surviving passengers, unable to comprehend the magnitude of the disaster, ardently vow to keep flying the same plane once it's put back together.





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